40 days and 40 nights

ive never been good at giving up. i often hold too tightly to things i should have let go long before. and because i need to point the finger somewhere, i will blame that for my lack of success with past lenten seasons. i truly do try. i just never quite make it. and i get my ashes, say my prayers, and go without meat on fridays. i try to cut out the negative, count my blessings, and go out of my way for others. i am not living in the bubble of catholic guilt. i think im a good person. i understand the meaning of lent. its the giving up that trips me up everytime. so of the multiple things i should be giving up, i am going to try and be realistic. and choose what i know i can physically do without.

originally, i thought "give up something you eat/drink all the time, maybe youll get skinnier/more successful from it" so i obviously thought of vodka. and then i thought, who am i kidding? i'll be knee deep in jello shots come saturday at noon. and then i went with the usual, "oh cmon its forty days give up something really hard and show jesus how dedicated you are" - so ummm, facebook? and then i flat out laughed at myself. however will i spend my days? hearing about the picture of your exbf's new gf with a bad haircut is just not the same as seeing it for yourself. and then i give myself the yearly "why dont you give up that loser you cant stop stressing over whos clearly not worth your time and now would be a great chance to be dunzo" and please, i cant even go there right now. lets just say i need to cut myself off before i get to that option because its ridiculous. so this is where i start to get stumped.

i went with coffee this year because of a few reasons. one, i shouldnt be relying on a steady intake of caffeine to start my day. when i was dead with the flu, and the entire two weeks after, i had no coffee. and i started to feel less like an extra from mj's thriller video and more like a human in the mornings again. two, i would probably be better off investing money in dunkin stock instead of tossing it into a cashiers hands every day. at this rate, i could own a range rover. three, since ive gotten my family hooked on naked juice, i can now replace my morning coffee with a sugar/gluten/preservative free drink that doubles as breakfast and is readily available at my house. and its made entirely from fruits and veggies! im not a health freak, but im sure i could use an extra helping of both. and its definitely better for me than the cream and sugar cocktail i currently sip. four, i hate that the cups are styrafoam. and granted, they will probably not change this in forty days. but somewhere during that time (and with all the money im saving on coffee), i can purchase myself one of those super cute - and way too expensive - reusable coffee mugs.  or two.

and honestly, its lent. im not running for president. how many reasons do i need? today was day one of no coffee. lets see how bitter i am in a week. . .